The year is about to end, and I'm not sure how I feel about it to be honest. Also, sorry in advance if this post sounds depressing or mixed, but it's currently 02.26am while I'm writing this, and the seasonal depression is hitting hard. This is probably also not the best first real blog post to write but I've come to the conclusion that this is the real me at the moment, and that's all I can ask for on my own blog.
The year in review
I'm not going to go into detail about everything that happened this year, but some things are worth telling. If you don't care then why are you even reading this?
2023 kicked off with some fireworks, and I remember feeling alive at that moment. I haven't had that feeling in a long time, so it felt good firing up those fireworks with the boys again. I still remember making the turkey, it was delicious but I am definitely no chef and not good at cutting it up, especially drunk. I think this also was one of the first nights I was properly drunk, at the edge of becoming unresponsable.
After that, some weeks ended up in months and the time just flew. I continued working at the company I work for, and volunteered for the organizations I'm a part of. Time just went by, and I still remember the Fridays where I thought "it really feels like last Friday was two days ago, what happened?" - so time definitely flew. But that's what happens when you're busy with a good routine.
The Gathering 2023 is definitely on top of this year. If you don't know, The Gathering is the second largest LAN party in the world, and it's held in Norway. I've only been there this year and last year, but this was my first proper year because of the pandemic stopping the event last year. It was a ton of fun with all the colors, lights, even furries at the event which was kind of shocking to me. Meeting everyone was a total blast and I'm already signed up for it in 2024. It's probably going to be the highlight of my year again, but even better.
I think what hit me hard this year was the "russefeiring", basically a celebration for Norwegian students finishing high school. I didn't really take part in it since I decided to go a different path than my friends, but my mental health really hit hard seeing all my friends in their outfits celebrating without me. It came to a point where just hearing the word "russ" made me feel nauseous, like I had some sort of trauma. In the end, it was my choice to not take part of it, although I was unsure of it the whole way through. A lot of alcohol is also involved in this celebration, and I'm no hater to alcohol but my father is a teetotaller (I even learned a new word this year, wow.) so I've been experiencing both sides my entire life. I've also honestly lost some friends during this, either because I wanted to be a part of their lives again while they shut me out, or because I saw a different them in their actions during this time. I'm honestly not sure if I regret it or not, but I honestly think I don't. I learned a lot, both about myself and my friends, and that's really all that matters.
A lot of deadlines were not met during this, during The Gathering and during some other projects I'm part of, so this was also definitely hitting hard at the time. Playing Lethal Company this December just reminded me of "filling a quota" over and over again. And sometimes you just can't fill the quota, and that's totally fine. Just restart the game.
I also started smoking, just to cope with all of this going on. I still remember a school project a few years ago when we were supposed to make a presentation about the effects of smoking. My group found a lot of cons when smoking (maybe because it's bad to smoke?) and we realistically only found one pro. It was a form of stress relief. I tried it out, and it worked. My physical health isn't perfect but it was good enough to offer some of it for a small mental health boost. The worse thing now is that they're banning my favorite cigarettes literally first thing in 2024, so now I'm even more stressed. I'm probably going to try and quit, since this is sort of a "forced" way of quitting. It still sucks though. I also bought a vape a few months back, mainly to try and stop smoking gradually, but they're also banning vape with good taste. The reasoning for both of these bans are "to stop the youth from starting", which definitely make sense. The timing is a little funny though.
Anyways, back to the past. Weeks turn into months again, and I'm definitely trying to find other ways to cope with losing friends - alongside coping by smoking. I ended up going to a therapist for a possible expedition of a diagnosis I've thought I've had for quite a few years now. I mainly wanted to go to first of all find out what I have, but also to get help or some medication to help me with it. It ended up not being a diagnosis afterall, so it might just be me being ... a little weird and worn out. I'm sad we couldn't figure anything out but at least I didn't get an invalid diagnosis, so I'm still till this day unsure of what to do further, but I've currently sat this on hold while I'm ... overworking myself some more.
It also doesn't really get any better when my friends get summer break for two months in a row, when I have like 10 days off work I can take. I barely took some days off work, just to continue with my routine really. And after the summer break, all my friends went to universities and "folk high schools" (the equivalent of colleges I guess?) all around Norway and stuff, so I ended up being at home alone for a long time. It was again a rough time.
I took a few days off in the summer break myself to go to Germany to meet an online friend. This was honestly the first time travelling internationally on a plane alone, but it was a ton of fun. Quite risky I must say, I definitely didn't have a plan B for that trip, but it all worked out in the end. One thing about Germany is that they honk more daily than I've like ever experienced living in Norway. And that's a fact.
I later got higher "positions" in my volunteer organizations. So, skipping to November-ish, I was definitely a busy man, and I ended up staying at six different hotels around the Oslo area. I've definitely earned the right to brag about it though, at least I think I have. So yes, I stayed at six different hotels within eight weekends, and I need everyone in the world to know this.
The last few drops of 2023
Skipping some more, it's now a very early December 30th, and I'm first of all going to bed. Me and the boys are once again planning on some fireworks while being under the influence, so we have to prepare some food and stuff for that later today.
My new year's resolutions
I've never really felt like I needed to do any new year's resolutions, other than "get my shit together", but that has never worked out.
I think for 2024, I'm going to reduce, if not completely cut my smoking altogether. It's definitely something I haven't really been proud of doing, so cutting it would make sense to me. Also, they're banning my favorites, so I basically have no other choice than to cut it out completely or find something else hard-core to smoke.
I also want to start working out again. I started working out here and there this year, but I stopped now this autumm, really because my bros weren't able to anymore. But I want to either find the joy to workout alone or find someone to workout with once in a while.
And, last but not least, I'm going to get my shit together.
Thank you ❤️
You probably don't really care, but thanks for reading my story. Again, I'm sorry for sounding depressed or mixed in this blog post, but I finished this just now at 03.36am. We went to Sweden yesterday and bought a lot of energy drinks so I'm naturally not able to keep my sleep schedule in-tact anymore.
I'm also no writer. I make code, I'm not an active blogger.
Happy New Year's in a few days! ✨